Part of the Life- –

January 9th, 2011

Last night after a great time with friends from High School (some that I hadn’t seen in 25 years) I found myself having a little mini-meltdown after we got home. It was completely non-related to getting together with everyone, but I found myself really protesting mentally about going back home (See- told y’all I’d probably be talking about this a lot in the upcoming two weeks).

Once everyone went to bed- I couldn’t help but cry and cry- and cry some more. By reading that you may think that I don’t love my life in the land of Never. Don’t get me wrong- I do. I also love the friends that I’ve made there; they’re precious to me, but I miss being here! Mom tells me that being here on vacation isn’t the same as living here, but since I grew up here and lived here most of my life, I don’t think much would be different.

I also believe that the mini-meltdown was related to a plethora of things, not just the going home factor. We have been going pretty much non-stop since we got here (with the exception of the time that I was sick) and in spite of me doing my best to see everyone, there are still those who are not happy because I didn’t see them as much as they would have liked. It is the same people who wait until the last minute to contact me about getting together and we’ve already made plans for that day- yet they take it personal that we do. I don’t like feeling that way- even though I know that it has nothing to do with me. As much as I’d like to be able to wave a magic wand and be in three places at once, that isn’t realistic so I’d appreciate your understanding. Some may have ‘only’ seen me three or four times, but there are other people (family even) that I’d really like to see that I haven’t seen but once, and possibly won’t get to see at all because we can’t get our schedules together. It’s not because we don’t want to see each other, it’s because we haven’t been able to work it out.

My heart is feeling somewhat heavy about a combination of little things, but it shall pass. In the meantime, I’m extremely grateful that I’ve been able to reconnect with so many people this trip and spend some time together face-to-face with them. That includes connecting with family that I haven’t seen in probably almost 30 years. I haven’t seen them, but we are at least in contact, and that makes me VERY happy.

So if you read these melancholy little notes, please excuse them- it’s just part of the process I go through when we come home and when our time draws to an end. It’s all part of the life of an emotional soul. :)

4 Responses to “Part of the Life- –”

  1. kate says:

    One of my old employees married a man from the UK; they spent five years here then moved there for five years. I think they’re due to return next year, if they’ve kept to the original plan.
    Thankfully, his job allows it. I feel for you!

  2. admin says:

    I met a girl from Paris who married a guy from Mississippi and they have done the same thing. They lived here for 10 years, then lived in Paris for 10 years and now they have moved to the Netherlands as their ‘neutral’ place.

    As much as I’d love to be back here- I hate the moving process.

  3. Natalie says:

    Anytime we lived away — and came home – be it 6 months or 6 days, I always had a melt down before going back to our “house”. We never called it “home” not Cuba, not Memphis, not Pensacola, not any of the places we hung our hats… “Home” is in Escatawpa, “Home” is where they know your nick name and they call you by it.. “Home” is where they understand why we put mayo on a hotdog… “Home” is where you feel needed, and wanted, and can revisit your childhood and sometimes are where we are used… And even though we have lived in many places, met many people, made many friends and been able to do many things that other people will never do…… home is home..
    Go do all your fun and different things you can, see all the beutiful fields of flowers, pick them and smell them and lord knows, take lots of photos to share with us….. just remember home is here when you are ready for it… then it will not matter how long it is inbetween visits it is… you carry it in your heart!!

  4. admin says:

    Nat- this made me tear up. you are so right. I’m SO glad we got to see each other. It was great seeing you. I wish it could have been longer.

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