Last Days

December 27th, 2013

Hard to believe we are in the very last week of the year.    Once the hustle and bustle of the holidays are over,  and we’re still eating leftovers;  I tend to go into this reflection mode.   This year is no exception.    I like to take the last week of the year, think about the year that is coming to an end.   I like to reflect on the lessons I have learned, the moments that brought me the most happiness and joy, plus also those that brought me the most pain-   since those are usually the ones where I learned the most, not only about myself, but others as well.     I use it as a ‘self-check’ to see how things have changed, to see if I have stayed on track with myself and my goals, or to see if there are things that need change (always the work in progress).

On the whole, it’s probably been one of the years where I learned the most-  not just about finding strength within, but mostly for finding the knowledge of knowing that someone being who they are isn’t a reflection of who I am, it’s who they are.    My integrity was put to the test this year- and while I wasn’t sure it was a test that I would pass, in the end- I realized that I had no reason to take that road, just because someone else made it theirs.

Am I perfect?  Heck no!  Far from it!   But what I do know is that some of life’s biggest lessons are learned through pain, and while it may seem easier to try to shove the hurt and tears in a box- and lock them away, the reality is, if you don’t ‘feel, deal, heal’, they’ll show up time and time and TIME again.     I’m glad I walked through the pain, felt it-  understood it- and healed from it.     Through that journey, I learned a lot about me, and that is a lesson that I’m grateful for.    My integrity stayed intact, and that matters to me.

Years ago, a dear friend said to me that I ‘walked the talk’, and at the time I thought it was a very sweet thing to say, that in fact even brought me to tears, but while I may stumble on this journey, I am not afraid to be vulnerable.   I am not afraid of rejection, nor am I afraid of non-truths,  simply because I know who I am, and those who REALLY know me, or want to know me-  do too..       I have so many thoughts running through my head at the moment, but mostly-  I feel grateful.  Grateful for the lessons, and yes, even grateful for the heart-  because through it, doors have opened, and joy has happened that I never dreamt possible.      The joy is in the journey- that is for certain.

2014-  it’s my year.    In reality every year is my year for something-    but this next year-   the slate is clean, the sky is the limit- and it’s time to start soaring.

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