Human nature is so fascinating to me.
I watched something earlier this year that said when decide something no longer works for us and make a change- that there are those people who will resist that change and fight you tooth-and-nail. I knew this to be true because I’d seen it from a few people in my life when I decided that I would back slowly away from their toxicity and continue on. I didn’t make a big spectacle about it- because that isn’t generally how I roll- I just realized that being around toxic people was having a toxic effect on me- even when I wasn’t ‘participating’ in their toxicity games. I stepped back and that was that in my eyes. It wasn’t in theirs- but that’s another story that I won’t spend my energy or time going into.
I believe as human beings we grow to expect things from certain people- at least some of us do. I’ve found over the years that the less expectations you have from a person- the less likley you are to get your feelings hurt for some reason that more than likely isn’t about you.
Earlier this year- I had someone accuse me of ‘abandoning them as a friend’ because I had not contacted them in the manner that they expected me to. I had reached out to them- time and time again- never to hear a word from them- until the day came that I got this email about what a crappy friend I was and how I didn’t care-
To say I was surprised was a complete understatement. The thing is- I can’t think of a time in my life that I had EVER failed to be there for this person, but they had decided how things were- and nothing I could say would change it. There had always been a pattern with this person- when they would talk about how I prefered to be around other people above them (which absolutely wasn’t true) I always went on and on about how it wasn’t true- reassuring them time and time again. This time- I simply said that I’d always been there and that the ‘friend’ that I had always been hadn’t changed- but I wasn’t sure what they wanted from me and asked them to define what they needed in the friendship. They didn’t respond and I haven’t heard from them since, and before you ask- I’m completely OK with that.
It took me a little while- because this is someone I’ve known my entire life- and someone that I still care about and will always love as a friend, but I’m no longer catering to energy vampires! (notice the exclamation point at the end of that sentence.) It doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, but it means I care about me enough to not constantly be involved in their self-created turmoil. If you are happy where you are – great.
I noticed a while back that other members of the family have followed suit- and while I do completely understand it- I do find it sad. But, you won’t see any protesting on my part, because I know without a doubt that my integrity is intact here- and I’m all about people doing what works for them.
You may be wondering if I am hurt- and the answer is NO! There was a time when I would have been. I would have felt hurt- betrayed and the list goes on, but I’ve since grown up and realized that some people have a chapter in our lives- and sometimes their part of being in our life story has come to an end, which is the case here.
I think because I’ve gotten older- (and hopefully more wise) I prefer to surround myself with people who are positive- and who aren’t toxic or drama seeking. This life is a short one- and I believe it’s important to be around people who will encourage and uplift each other- support and be there- be respectful and yet love you where you are-not where they want you to be.
As T.D. Jakes would say- I want to surround myself with ‘gallon’ people.
I watched a YouTube video yesterday- also with T.D. Jakes from a sermon of his where he talks about when people walk away from us- to let them go! That is not always easy- because I believe as human beings we want to hold on to what was- or our idea of how things should be, plus we hold on to the hope that these things will happen. I won’t say they can’t- but it’s at our own expense that we stick around in situations that aren’t working.
So why try to paste and super glue something that clearly isn’t working? Sometimes we try and it just doesn’t work- and sometimes people just aren’t as committed to whatever it is- (relationship, friendship, business partnership- etc) as we are, so let them go, or if you go- know that that person’s part in your story has come to pass- keep moving forward.
Let them Go!