Archive for the ‘Words of ‘Wiz’dom’ Category

When People Can Walk Away…

August 11th, 2012

Human nature is so fascinating to me.
I watched something earlier this year that said when decide something no longer works for us and make a change- that there are those people who will resist that change and fight you tooth-and-nail. I knew this to be true because I’d seen it from a few people in my life when I decided that I would back slowly away from their toxicity and continue on. I didn’t make a big spectacle about it- because that isn’t generally how I roll- I just realized that being around toxic people was having a toxic effect on me- even when I wasn’t ‘participating’ in their toxicity games. I stepped back and that was that in my eyes. It wasn’t in theirs- but that’s another story that I won’t spend my energy or time going into.

I believe as human beings we grow to expect things from certain people- at least some of us do. I’ve found over the years that the less expectations you have from a person- the less likley you are to get your feelings hurt for some reason that more than likely isn’t about you.

Earlier this year- I had someone accuse me of ‘abandoning them as a friend’ because I had not contacted them in the manner that they expected me to. I had reached out to them- time and time again- never to hear a word from them- until the day came that I got this email about what a crappy friend I was and how I didn’t care-

To say I was surprised was a complete understatement. The thing is- I can’t think of a time in my life that I had EVER failed to be there for this person, but they had decided how things were- and nothing I could say would change it. There had always been a pattern with this person- when they would talk about how I prefered to be around other people above them (which absolutely wasn’t true) I always went on and on about how it wasn’t true- reassuring them time and time again. This time- I simply said that I’d always been there and that the ‘friend’ that I had always been hadn’t changed- but I wasn’t sure what they wanted from me and asked them to define what they needed in the friendship. They didn’t respond and I haven’t heard from them since, and before you ask- I’m completely OK with that.

It took me a little while- because this is someone I’ve known my entire life- and someone that I still care about and will always love as a friend, but I’m no longer catering to energy vampires! (notice the exclamation point at the end of that sentence.) It doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, but it means I care about me enough to not constantly be involved in their self-created turmoil. If you are happy where you are – great.

I noticed a while back that other members of the family have followed suit- and while I do completely understand it- I do find it sad. But, you won’t see any protesting on my part, because I know without a doubt that my integrity is intact here- and I’m all about people doing what works for them.

You may be wondering if I am hurt- and the answer is NO! There was a time when I would have been. I would have felt hurt- betrayed and the list goes on, but I’ve since grown up and realized that some people have a chapter in our lives- and sometimes their part of being in our life story has come to an end, which is the case here.

I think because I’ve gotten older- (and hopefully more wise) I prefer to surround myself with people who are positive- and who aren’t toxic or drama seeking. This life is a short one- and I believe it’s important to be around people who will encourage and uplift each other- support and be there- be respectful and yet love you where you are-not where they want you to be.

As T.D. Jakes would say- I want to surround myself with ‘gallon’ people.

I watched a YouTube video yesterday- also with T.D. Jakes from a sermon of his where he talks about when people walk away from us- to let them go! That is not always easy- because I believe as human beings we want to hold on to what was- or our idea of how things should be, plus we hold on to the hope that these things will happen. I won’t say they can’t- but it’s at our own expense that we stick around in situations that aren’t working.

So why try to paste and super glue something that clearly isn’t working? Sometimes we try and it just doesn’t work- and sometimes people just aren’t as committed to whatever it is- (relationship, friendship, business partnership- etc) as we are, so let them go, or if you go- know that that person’s part in your story has come to pass- keep moving forward.

Let them Go!

Little Things

November 11th, 2010

Earlier in the summer my friend Carol came for a visit with her dog Piper.   She brought along a wonderful toy for Mister M. and also this cute little soccer squeaky toy that you see JJ holding in the picture.   JJ loves balls so I had no doubt that he would love this one as well.  What I didn’t know is that this particular soccer ball would instantly become his favorite. 

He plays with it ALL the time.   In fact, two months or so it got a little tear in the rubber so we thought we’d have to throw it away, but before we did that we wanted to have one to replace it.  JJ literally cries for this ball if we put it away.   We took him to the local pet store and found another ball that’s the same size, only the ball is a little harder than the original.   He adopted them both and we ended up not tossing the first one since he loves it so much. 

If he has a choice- he’ll ALWAYS grab the ball that Carol gave him first.  The picture is him playing with that ball this morning.  I would love to get a better shot of him on his back like that, but it happened so fast that I grabbed the iPhone (eye) and tried to at least get something.   

I think we could learn a lot from the animals in our lives.  They show us unconditional love each day, and also that it’s the little things in life that really are important.  Definitely food for thought on this cold and rainy Thursday

It Works with Coffee

October 20th, 2010

Yesterday when I got home from Bible Study I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so Marcel was sweet enough to brew me several cups of coffee. I didn’t sleep well the night before, and for some reason I thought a cup or three of coffee would do the trick. I was wrong about that, but I digress.

When I got ready to pour myself the coffee, I had the milk in the bottom of the coffee mug, just like always and decided that maybe I’d like a little sugar in the coffee. I used to drink my coffee with sugar- years ago, but some point or another along the way decided that my hips may prefer that I left the sugar out of my cup. I never think much about it when I make coffee- I follow the same ritual of pouring the milk in the mug and pouring the coffee over the milk. I’ve done it daily, for years.

Yesterday, I added a little raw sugar to my coffee and decided to sit down without distraction and enjoy it. I figured if I was going to add sugar to the coffee that I wanted to make sure that I savored every sweet drop. Only when I started drinking it- I found it odd. Don’t get me wrong- it was good, but I found myself wondering how I ever drank coffee with sugar in the first place. It seemed to take away from the flavor of the coffee. It no longer worked for me, so I had no desire to have another cup made like the first.

I found myself thinking that if I could learn from this- that maybe some of the obstacles that seem to stand in my way when I want to make changes but am resistant to that change- may come easier. After all- there was once a time when I thought drinking coffee without sugar was less than tasty, but now- my thought process has changed and I can’t imagine adding sugar. If it works with coffee- it can work with anything, right?

On Friendship

October 14th, 2010

Last night Desere messaged me to ask what shift Marcel was working today.   I told her and then asked why she wanted to know.   She suggested that we get together for coffee this morning and of course, I said yes.   This morning she came over and when she arrived she handed me this beautiful little bouquet of flowers.   When I asked her what they were for- she said ‘just because’.   She said that it was for the little things- the banana crumb muffins I made her last week or for the other little things that I do for her.    She just wanted me to know that she appreciates those things.

I had no idea that she was bringing them and having them was a definate day brightener.  It’s a typical cloudy fall day today, and these made me smile.   I would have been happy with her company alone, but her thoughtfulness warmed my heart and made me smile.  

After she left, I started thinking about friendship.  Technically, it started before she left, because we had a conversation about friendship and about people in general.   We talked about how it should be easy to be around people we love, and know that they are going to love and accept us for who we are, even if they may not always agree with the things we say or do.   None of us are perfect.  We all have our own thoughts and ideas, but yet in friendship we should know that we have a safe place to fall.    It shouldn’t be a case of having to tip-toe around the person out of fear they are going to take something out of context, or choose to be catty for no apparent reason.  

There is an ebb and flow to friendships- to all relationships really, but at the end of the day, friendship is a gift.   It should be valued, nutrured and treasured.  Friendship means that you forgive faults and that you are free to express yourself knowing that it won’t be used against you.  Friendship is like your favorite sweater or a favorite blanket that you can drape over your shoulders.    It’s the sunshine on your shoulders.  

God has blessed me with some amazing friends.   Each is different and special in their own way.   I’m grateful for those differences.  There is a mutual respect when we agree to disagree and it’s never hurtful or vicious.  My friends know that I am human and that I have flaws- that I sometimes forget things, and that sometimes I have to be reminded if they ask me something and I forget about it.   I know the same things about them, yet we love each other just the same.  

Of all the many wonderful blessings in my life- my friends, my family and my husband (who is both my friend and family) are what life is all about.   Thank you.

Some Things-

June 14th, 2010

In a world where we always want to put a ‘label’ on everything, I’ve found that sometimes, some things just don’t fit a ‘label’.      Some things just ‘are’ and it doesn’t matter which labels you may want to attach to it- none of them fit.    I wonder if that would mean that ‘not having a label’ is a label in it’s own?  

It really is ok that everything can’t  fit within a certain box.   Some things simply are.

Isn’t About the Food

April 27th, 2010

It’s amazing what happens when you pause long enough to listen to the things that your body wants and needs as opposed to making knee-jerk choices just because something looks or sounds good.

I always tend to want to eat something in the evenings, and for the past three nights I haven’t eaten anything. It doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about having something, but I knew that I was at the calorie limit and I really don’t want to go over that. Before I reacted, I decided to think about if I was hungry or if I thought I was and it makes a difference. It sounds simplistic, I know- but it’s true.

As my friend Carol and I were talking about today- it really isn’t about the food.

I’ll expound more on this later, but right now, Mr. Sandman is calling my name.

Peace, Love and Coffee

March 19th, 2010

Earlier this week I had the great opportunity to meet up with two really great friends for lunch. It happened to be on a day when I was really struggling and that I almost canceled joining them simply because I didn’t want to be a downer, and I wasn’t feeling very social. In the end, I decided to go anyway, and I was so happy that I did. We had a great time, lots of laughs, and I even took this picture that I call “Peace Love and Coffee”. I shared it on my Facebook, but I thought it would be fun to share it here too.

Ironically, the following day diddy (my word for daddy) sent me an email entitled, May We Always Be Coffee. I loved it and it happened to be just what I needed at that particular moment. I want to share it here, not to serve as a reminder to myself from time to time- but also so that maybe someone else will be touched by it the way that I was.

May We Always Be Coffee – Author Unknown

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up; She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardboiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Food for Thought (Quotable Quotes)

March 15th, 2010

I was reading my Twitter feed when I came across a quotation that I really loved and decided to share. For those of you who know me, know that I love quotes that inspire, but I also love quotes that cause a person (including myself) to pause and even ponder for a moment.

This quote did just that- It says:

“Money is not the root of all evil. It’s the misuse of money that is.”

I have no idea who wrote that, but I loved it.   I happen to believe it’s very true.   What do you think?

Feel Goods

January 20th, 2010

I was reading an article earlier in an email that I received from “O” (as in Oprah) and it was talking about 10 things we should feel good about. The article talked about general things, and some things that are showing progress in the world. After reading the article, I started thinking about the things that make me feel good, and I decided to compile my own ‘Top 10’ list of things that make me feel good.

I challenge you to share your own ‘feel goods’ in comments, or feel free to share them on your blog. If you do- let me know and I’ll link them here for others to see.

10 Things that I Feel Good About-

  1. Humanity-    I know in some ways it may seem like the whole concept of humanity is going to hell in a handbasket, but in other ways, when I see the world pull together in the aftermath of the tragedy in Haiti, I can’t help but feel good about it.   Political and religious views have been shoved aside, and people have rallied together from all over the globe to help those in need. 
  2. Cats and Dogs-    It is no secret to those who know me that I’ve always been an animal lover, with a preference to the felines. In a house that has as many cats and dogs as it does human beings, I can’t help but feel great when I see the unconditional love that they give day after day, in spite of our faults.   Us humans could learn a lot from them, don’t cha think?
  3. Friendship-   Friendship has always been important to me, but as I’ve gotten older, I have realized just how precious those few ‘true blues’ are to me.  Those people that I call my ‘go to’ people are those who know me often better than I know myself, and they love me anyway.  Who wouldn’t feel good about that?
  4. Change-   No, I’m not talking about the change that “Obama” is offering, or the type that you receive at the grocery store when you check 0ut, but the type of change that happens when something truly touches our lives and we become inspired to make change happen.  It’s nothing short of everyday miracles.
  5. Technology-  Many of us have a love-hate relationship with technology, but I have to say that it truly is one of my favorite things.  What else allows you access to most of your favorite people with the touch of a button or the flick of a switch? I remember watching the Jetsons as a child and thinking technology like that would be amazing.  Aside from the flying cars- we’re there.
  6. Medical Advances-   Studies are showing that we have the potential to live longer, happier, more productive lives thanks in part to advances in the medical fields.   There still is much to be discovered, but looking back over the last 25 years, what has been accomplished astounds me and leaves me with the hope that in the not so distant future there will be a cure for AIDS, Cancer and other uncurable diseases.
  7. Love-   It doesn’t matter how you slice it, love feels good.    It is a common thread that entertwines between each and every one of us making us not as different as we may think upon first glance.  When given freely, without expectations, it can be one of the best gifts ever.   Open yourself up to not only give more love, but also receive it- and watch what happens.
  8. Attaining Goals-  Over the past few years, I’ve really learned that there is nothing I can’t do it I set my mind to it.    One of the most liberating feelings in the world is to accomplish something that you believed in the past that you could never do and that the only person who was ever standing in your way was YOU.
  9. Forgiveness-   One of my biggest life lessons has been learning how to forgive.   It’s easy to forgive the small things, but it’s something else to forgive the big stuff.  Anger, jealousy and hatred will only weigh you down and poison your soul.   Learn to let go and forgive, and not only will you notice a weight lifted off your shoulders, but you will feel better.  Jesus forgave us, so who are we not to forgive?
  10. Forward Momentum-   MLK once wrote,  “If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl, but you must keep moving forward.”   I couldn’t agree with him more.  There are times in life when we find ourselves soaring, and there are others when we can barely seem to put one step in front of the other, but as long as we keep moving, we’ll make progress.  

 

There you have it folks-  10 things that I personally feel good about.   Let me know if you create a list and where I can find it-  I’d love to see what makes you feel good!

My friend Sunny shared the 10 Things that She Feels Good about at her Blog- Blogging Notes. Stop in and read her great list if you have a chance!!

Something New

January 14th, 2010

As I kissed 0′ nine goodbye and welcomed 2010, I pondered not only what I want to accomplish for the brand New Year that arrived full of potential, but I also reflected on the year that I’d just exited. Many wonderful things happened last year, including a visit from one of my oldest and dearest friends Samantha. Those were moments that I cherish. I have many more of those moments, but I also realized that last year also held things that just didn’t work for me. I made some choices, and no, I wouldn’t say they are bad choices in terms of the big picture, but they just didn’t work. That happens, and the lesson in that (at least for me) is to learn from what hasn’t worked and make adjustments so that it does work.

So here we are- two full weeks into the New Year, and so far, I’m more than happy the way things are shaping up. I have several projects in the making, some of which will be shared here when the time is right. I also am thinking my sites need a makeover, although I’d like a little something more personalized to me and not something that’s public. At this point, I don’t have the time left over for that in my schedule, but who knows what the future will bring.

Making the most of every single day- and truly L-I-V-I-N-G, not going through the motions, but living. Time to stop sitting around waiting for certain things to happen, but instead go out and take the steps yourself to make it happen.

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