Going Through…

March 6th, 2015

Robert Frost once wrote:

“The best way out is always through.”

A simple, seven word sentence, yet filled with much wisdom and truth.

Having been someone who learned the hard way by attempting to avoid painful situations,   I learned that the best (and only) way is to walk through something.

There are times when it may even feel as though we are crawling-  or possibly even sitting and spinning our wheels-  with all vision lost of the path in front of us.  But even then-   in the midst of walking through-   those moments of uncertainty, of raw vulnerability where we realize that occasionally- pause is necessary for a moment.

Sometimes-   it’s a moment of pause that allows us to be silent-  to feel-  to regain our bearings, and while we do- the path before us once again becomes clear, as we move forward, albeit slowly.   There are moments- when we feel we can’t go on, but yet, there is great comfort in knowing that this is not permanent.  After all, What is?

To know me-  is to know that I am a thinker and analyzer by nature.   I’m also someone who has learned that there are no short cuts to living the best life possible.   Life is full of lessons, speed bumps, road blocks, beautiful and awe-inspiring moments.

We can’t keep things from happening-   after all, we are human, and we DO have feelings.   What we can do-  is make the choice how we will deal with things as they occur.  Sometimes that is much easier said than done, but it’s doable.    We often make things harder for ourselves, simply by the way we ‘choose’ to react to them.

This week-   was the five year anniversary of losing someone very dear to me.   She passed away suddenly, and I was almost 5,000 miles away when it happened.   Life waits for no one.    I mourned and grieved the loss that all who knew her felt-  and have long let go of any feelings of quilt that I initially had for not ‘being there’.

But this week, in spite of having really amazing things happening in my life-  I struggled, in a way that I really can’t even explain.

My initial thought was-  “I do not have time to feel like this-  I have this, this, and this to do.”   but the reality was-   I knew that if I chose to ignore my feelings and just bulldoze through life ahead-  that eventually those feelings would show up again.    I knew that I needed to walk THROUGH the feelings I was having, and not try to avoid them.   I knew it would be temporary-  but it is sometimes difficult to walk through anything that confronts us, or makes us feel vulnerable.

But I made a choice-   and I chose to simply ‘be’ with my feelings.  I didn’t try to overthink why, or even try to pinpoint what exactly it was that I was feeling and why-    because deep within, I knew why-   a cocktail of hormones, full-moonitis, and the anniversary of losing someone very precious to many of us.

I kept somewhat to myself for several days-    although I did talk to a few friends, one of which who came over last night to ‘hang out’ when she heard I was struggling.    No deep conversations, just two girlfriends hanging out and sharing life-  along with its ups and downs, just as friendship should be.

This morning-  I woke up, not with tears streaming down my face, but with a smile on my face, and the knowledge that the love and great memories I have with Carol will always live in my heart-  I’ll carry the good times and the life-lessons with me everywhere I go, but for me-   I had walked through the dark forest, and the sunshine on the other side was beautiful.

 

 

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